A Keyboard Anthology

Welcome to the curious world of “A Keyboard Anthology,” a delightful relic from 1980 that promises to unlock the musical genius you never knew you had—or perhaps simply unlock your piano’s dust-covered keys in a heroic bid against silence. Penned by Howard Ferguson, a name that brings to mind a gentlemanly figure hunched over a grand piano in a smoke-filled room, this anthology is part history, part tutorial, and entirely unnecessary if you prefer to stick to playing your Spotify playlists on repeat.

Imagine, if you will, the thrill of parsing through a collection of compositions that once graced the concert halls of the elite, now relegated to the dusty shelves of a second-hand bookstore like an overqualified musician at a supermarket gig. Ferguson’s text is littered with charming anecdotes and dry wit, ensuring that every turning page feels like a delightful jaunt through both time and terrible music choices. One can only wonder if this anthology was more popular with the instruments it features than with the aspiring pianists that frequented the Royal Schools of Music in the ’80s, desperately hoping to impress their friends—or at least distract from a bad haircut.

This collection is not just a product of its era; it’s a magnificent snapshot of a time when synthesizers began to threaten the sanctity of the good old keyboard. Ferguson’s meticulous selections range from the elegantly baroque to the awkwardly modern, making you question if this book is a musical compendium or a form of elaborate self-torture. It’s as if Ferguson was determined to catalogue every keyboard piece ever played, all while secretly chuckling at the notion that some hapless soul might actually attempt to perform them without a decent grasp of rhythm or pitch.

As you wrestle with the faux-leather binding and flick through its yellowing pages, you’ll find a mix of highbrow classics and the sort of pieces that make you wonder if Ferguson was trying to teach you something or simply having a laugh at your expense. The book oscillates between being an educational resource and a relic from a time when people apparently had much more time on their hands—and perhaps a bit less sense. In the midst of sonatas, fugues, and more than one piece titled “Mysterious Encounter,” you might find yourself questioning your life choices, particularly if you once thought learning the piano was a good idea.

As you contemplate your next life crisis, consider the following features of “A Keyboard Anthology”:

• A diverse range of pieces that might make your cat flee the room.
• Notes that may or may not be legible—take your best guess!
• An opportunity to impress (or bewilder) guests with your newfound “talent.”
• Perfect for propping up wobbly furniture or as a makeshift doorstop.
• Guaranteed to make you feel better about your own musical inadequacies.

Condition: Used, but don’t let that deter you! Each page carries the gentle wear and tear of a book that has seen things—like living rooms filled with half-hearted piano lessons and coffee stains from bitterly regrettable late-night practice sessions. Its spine may be slightly worn, suggesting it has been opened more than a few times in fits of both inspiration and despair. However, this just adds to its character, much like a beloved pet that has suffered a few bumps and bruises but remains fiercely loyal.

In the end, “A Keyboard Anthology” is not just a book; it’s a journey into the eccentricities of musical education, a testament to a bygone era, and a hopeful reminder that perhaps, one day, you too might master the art of playing the piano—or at least learn how to bravely bang on the keys without causing a minor catastrophe. So, if you’re ready to embrace your inner virtuoso or simply want to add a unique conversation piece to your bookshelf, look no further than this quirky tome from Crappy Old Books.

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